Making Changes In Me

I have decided to start getting up in the mornings and working out. I think it will help me feel better both physically and emotionally. I also am planning to call around and find a place to seek out therapy. I may need it, may not. Who knows. I have control over these type things. I can change what I like when it comes to my own life, but sadly, not others. 

So, this entry is to show my mama, because I know she reads my blogs, that she too, can change. She can seek out help. She can quit drinking her life away and start a relationship with us. A relationship that doesn't involve getting home as quick as possible to get to that drink. 

I want to be able to cry and grieve and miss my mama when she dies instead of feeling guilty that I could never push her to get the help she needs before she drank herself into the grave.

So, tomorrow I start! I will wake up at 5 am, get my coffee, get dressed, and go walking. Running is something I'd love to do, but first I need to build up these muscles. 

Mama, I'm willing to change with you. It may not be the same type of change, but I'm offering you my support. I don't know what else to do to make you see the light. You need some help. I've tried every way possible to make you see that. Do me a favor would you? Try? Please? I already don't have a daddy, don't leave me without a mama for the rest of my life too.